July 19, 2006. This was written at the end of “summer break” from school.
There is so much outer activity as a teacher, hence the gaps between these creative sparks!
Om Shanti…I can now say this to my former self of 8 1/2 years ago. It means: I AM A PEACEFUL SOUL. However on July 19, 2006 I was not aware of or in touch with the core of peace within I, the soul. In fact, this is what I was writing: “drowning in sadness, images of loss have come loose in my being, spilling into everyday consciousness. Despondent, listless, where has my extreme positivity gone? Deep into the past where old mistakes, unresolved linger…waiting for a new day to be liberated, freed, forgiven.
Overwhelmed by the process of the LIGHT filtering through the darkness, searching for a new way to address each day and the gift of life. Apologies, love, loneliness, stillness, expectancy, communion all rolled up, merged together in a bunch seeking to tune in with the acceptance of God.
Invocation of the Mender of my soul’s sight, I am at once dying and being reborn. Infamous deeds of darkness pervade the well being of my inner spring, my flow into redemption. Knowing now how I can never see anyone below me, the shadows of my mind keep screaming out to taunt me with their lies, their hopes for the old ways to rule on this New Day.
Initiation Journey…Success…Wanderer of Kalalau, be with me now as I look into an abyss of crumbling rocks leading straight down into the crystalline waters of life below. The Light is ever present as I prepare myself spiritually for emerging my true self!
Folding into a yawn, stretching muscles of intent, bent on expansion of the Light into all realms. Rely on nothing, be on guard with positivity.Knowing this as the only way into the brightness of the future. go forward!!! Somehow, today, make your efforts resound echoes of hope into your sadness. Freedom forces of heavenly hosts come to your assistance in your uphill, hairpin turn about. God is watching you always…by your side.
Be known, be heard, beware, be still, be patient, be love. Beatitudes are calling to you despite the gnarly mass of sanskaras unraveling in your spiritual body. Keep moving them through with your wit, your love, your wisdom, your length and breadth…to the place you will next come into when you awaken full of life, full of light, full of love, fulfilled to the fullest, fully awake!
Knowing there is a great impasse to be crossed, I build up my reserves endearingly to nourish my soul and spirit. Emotional cleansings come and go and so do we. Now here, now gone, ever present is the longing for moments of union with the Divine.
Momentous memories of YOU wading through my mind, wading through my soul, grasping hold of my hand, so I won’t sink into the muddiness of forgetfulness.
Closing my eyes to Your brilliance is not the answer I seek. Joining with You there, becoming one with your salvation giving. Your broad hand now relieves the shadows of my mind.
Then at the beginning of May, 2007 a short piece entitled BEING PRESENT:
Do it Like it Matters!!!
Take frequent Holidays to Recharge…you can do this in 50 minutes…recharging is important
Face Everything…whatever is in front of you.
Being in stillness, open up, dialogue with your loveliness. Love yourself enough to love the parts of yourself that are hard to love…make amends…create salvation…find your fortune!!!
THIS JOURNAL ENDED on MAY 3, 2007 LIKE THIS:
Gratitude…great full gratitude, grateful gratitude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!