DROPS OF NECTAR~Catch more of what you want with honey than with vinegar!!!

This is a story a friend recently shared with me about being “nearly perfectly happy”!

This is how her story went…”One morning I was walking my young son to school.  Not something I did very often.   Usually I was too busy getting myself and his siblings ready because I often sleep later than I plan to.  But this morning, I made time and we were walking together, just the two of us.  About halfway there, my young son of seven, reached up and took hold of my hand, in an uninhibited way, that I knew wouldn’t last forever.

How many twelve-year-old boys do you see walking hand in hand with their moms on their way to school?  So I squeezed his hand, felt the rays of sun fall blissfully upon my face, and told him I loved him.  In that moment I was nearly perfectly happy.

Nearly.

Then a thought came into my mind; the voice sounded a lot like my own voice, but meaner…it was my destructive inner negative voice which had been with me for so long.   It was so deeply intgrated into who I thought I was, that I hardly noticed “her” anymore!

This is what the jerk in my head said: ‘Sooo, you’re walking him to school and putting on your mother of the year act today.  What about yesterday and the day before that?  You hardly ever walk him to school.  He’s probably holding your hand because he’s so desperate for the love and attention you haven’t been showing him.

My bubble burst and even the smiling face of this contented child could not bring it back!  I started to tell myself what a sorry excuse for a mom, I was!

Enter Moment of Clarity!!!

An alarm suddenly went off inside my head and in burst this stream of truth…you are loving him and caring for him.  He’s well fed, perfectly happy, and on time for school.  Do not rob yourself of this moment’s joy because of what you failed to do yesterday or what you fear you may not do tomorrow.

I started to realize how many times I’d done something good, sweet, or even awesome, while beating myself up for all the times I hadn’t been perfect.  My inner voice ws finally exposed for the destructive harpy that she was.

Why had I been listening to her for all this time?  How harmful, how disrespectful to myself to badger myself with such incrimination.

As I said goodbye to Jay and watched him confidently enter his school, my mind started to shift.  My life could not go on like this.  There had to be a way to enjoy these moments, to simply be happy without beating myself up for all my failures.

The internal nagging had to stop.  I needed to send my negative voice packing and replace it with something, and fast, before it took over completely!

That’s when it hit me: Drops of Awesomeness!  Every time you do something good, something kind, something productive, it’s a Drop in your Bucket of Awesome.

You don’t lose Drops for every misstep.  You can only build.  You can only fill.

I walked Jay to school. Bam! A Drop of Awesome!   I fed him fruit with breakfast. Drop of Awesome! I told him I loved him. Drop of Awesome!

All day long I chanted those words in my head.

I swept the kitchen floor instead of stepping over the crumbs for the fiftieth time.  Drop of Awesome!  I texted my troubled friend to say I was thinking about her.  Drop of Awesome!

I had an unproductive, critical thought about one of my kids, but I brushed it away and replaced it with love. Drop of Awesome!

When I started thinking about my life in terms of adding these little Drops of Awesome for every tiny act of good, I found that I was doing more and more of them because it’s a lot more fun to do good when you’re rewarded with joy, rather than being punished with guilt for every failure in your past.

By the end of the day, I realized something important.  If I was spending time with my kids, really listening to each of them with attention, at least fiften minutes a day, then I was a good listener, even if I had multi-tasked while they were talking at other times.  And it felt really good to be that person.

As I added up these Drops of Awesome, I found that in those moments, I actually became the person I had always wanted to be…  Drops of Awesome is really about allowing yourself to feel joy and to be proud of your small victories.  This builds momentum and makes you want more Drops in your bucket.  Because of the positive feedback you experience, you are willing to do more, and each tiny step brings you closer to achieving your goals.”

This friend is Kathryn Thompsom and I found her published journal at Shared Blessings in Kilauea, Kauai!

I’d like to extend a big MAHALO to Shared Blessings and to whoever dropped off Kathryn Thompson’s ” You’re More Awesome  Than You Think  Journal” and of course to Kathryn Thompson, herself, for creating it and giving herself the opportunity to let her own cheerleader shine through for all of us to see and benefit from.

Credits go to: Kathryn Thompson for creating the Drops of Awesome Journal!

Kathryn Thompson lives in the Seattle suburbs with her computer genius husband and three young kids.  You can follow her adventures at DaringYoungMom.com.

Her work is published by familius.com ~a book publisher dedicated to helping families be happy.

Discover how values and happy family life go together.  Call Donna at 639-9436 to register for the Living Values Workshop beginning soon on Kauai!!!little boy meditating on top of the world

 

“The most important work you ever do will be within the walls of your own home.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How “Talking Story” can Help your Health

In Hawaii, people enjoy talking story!  It’s a favorite pastime.Anahola Praying Maiden

When someone really listens and really cares stress hormones like cortisol and epinephrine turn off and the healing hormones of oxytocin, dopamine, nitric oxide and endorphins turn on!

The nervous system relaxes, which can even heal the mind of feelings of depression, anxiety, fear, anger, and disconnection.

Brene Brown,  the ‘Vulnerability Expert”, says that the “original definition of courage, when it first came into being in the English language,  meant to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart”.

How often does one have this opportunity?  How often does one soul give another soul the time, space, and attention to facilitate this happening?

Are you ready to make a conscious choice to make “talking story” part of your own and another’s well-being?

 

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SELF-REFLECTION

Recently I had the opportunity to practice active listening for several weeks with a friend who was very angry, with lots of primary feelings of hurt and unfairness underneath the anger.  After three weeks of seeing her emotions escalating, I started to feel frustrated that this soul was not processing and accepting her own feelings in a way that would allow her to move on.

I did not understand why  she relentlessly blamed someone else for all of her miseries.

In my mind,  I started judging this soul for being so negative! After a few days of thinking this way, I was faced with a wall of judgement that had grown between us which did not allow me to listen to her anymore, without thinking that her reasonings, feelings, and thoughts were illogical, unwarranted, exagerrated, and just plain wrong!!! (devaluing another, going into duality)

I started to tell her how to solve the problem for I no longer wanted to listen to the same accusations aimed at the other person.  I felt she was unjustified for having such a negative perspective of this person and of life, in general.

I felt a welling up in myself of wanting to make this person WRONG…and thinking that I could turn her around by giving her solutions.

I even started to blame her for blaming others, and for not looking within to change (moralizing).

What could I have done instead?

Back to basics…”How to Actively Listen”

  • Reflect back some of what the person just said
  • Reflect back some of the emotions the other person is communicating without sounding like a parrot
  • Listen genuinely with acceptance (even when I don’t agree/ with their perceptions)

The process of being listened to allows people to feel valued, to accept their own hurt, and to look at the overall situation with more understanding.  If there is a trusting relationship between the 2, often one active listening comment such as “You seem really upset” is enough to move the person from anger to receptivity.

Other active listening responses I could have said are:  You don’t like it when she hits you.  Or you feel really sad when she lashes out at you.  Or it sounds like your feelings got hurt, just as much as your arm.

IS THERE A TIME TO PROBLEM SOLVE/GIVE ADVICE?

Basic rule: If someone is upset, listen first.

After someone has been listened to and feels valued and more in touch with their primary emotions, i.e. away from the anger, which is the secondary emotion, they are clearer and more open.

Then, a little advice may be accepted.

Or a reflective question could be posed such as What other way could you have handled it?

As our friends and family are encouraged to generate their own alternatives, their self understanding grows, their triggering process is better understood, and their ability to think on the spot and make a more positive choice will grow.

 

 

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   OM SHANTI

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Peaceful, Positive Parenting Class~Will Be offerred again at the beginning of 2017

little boy meditating on top of the world

THIS CLASS IS FOR ALL PARENTS, GRANDPARENTS, CAREGIVERS, EDUCATORS, COUNSELORS AND ANYONE WHO WISHES TO NURTURE CHILDREN WITH THE SPIRIT OF PEACE, RESPECT, AND HAPPINESS.  Beginning on NEW DATE: sometime in January 2017

 ($5.00 PER CLASS)  CALL DONNA/SHIVALAYA @ 639-9436 TO REGISTER and Learn more about this opportunity!  Or Email: donnadalessio@yahoo.com